The Power of "No"

Healthy Boundaries Allow for a Holy Life

Say yes to God’s best while guarding your purpose and peace

In our busy lives today, young and new Christians often feel stretched in a thousand different directions church events, family obligations, work or school demands, friends, not to mention that three-headed monster, social media! It can be so easy to just say “yes”, because we want to please someone or make a good impression. Now what if living a truly holy, peaceful and purpose-filled life only took you learning a simple little two-letter word? “No”!

In this post, we will discuss the power of saying “no” as a spiritual discipline, and how healthy boundaries can help your peace as you answer God's call on your life. We will even see an example of Jesus practicing intentional withdrawal, and we will ground ourselves in practical ways to clarify your limits and understand how saying "no," can add clarity and freedom to our questions of "what does God want us to do?"

Are you ready to protect your peace and make space for God’s best in your life? Let’s go!

Why Saying “No” Is a Spiritual Discipline

Saying “no” is more than time management, and avoiding burnout; it is a spiritual act. Every time we say “yes” to something, we are saying “no” to something else, even if we aren’t conscious of it. If we say yes to everyone, and everything, we may just be saying no to God’s specific calling on our lives! Understanding the power of "no" allows us to put intentionality into practice, and live a life of choices that befit our spiritual values, rather than always reacting to obligation and adherence to commitments to the point of people pleasing. Intentionality, and living in alignment with our values, is how we lead a holy life of honor to God, full of focus, peace, and intentionality.

Research indicates that too many commitments lead to higher levels of stress, anxiety, and burnout spiritually. For instance, a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association (APA) shows that not setting boundaries and saying "no" produced 65% higher levels of stress, and they did not feel spiritually fulfilled in their life.

The Example of Jesus: Intentionality and Withdrawing

Jesus modeled the power of saying "no" perfectly. Throughout the gospels, he methodically withdrew from the crowds, established boundaries, and stayed totally focused on the purpose God had for His life. For example, Mark 1:35 says Jesus arose very early "while it was still dark," and he went out to pray to God alone. He was to give himself intention space (away from everyone). Luke 5:16 says, "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed". When the crowds, and many people demanded His time and miracles, Jesus had practiced enough saying "no" that there was no compromise to his spiritual well-being, nor to the mission that the Father sent him to complete. Jesus teaches us that saying "no" is not inherently selfish it is necessary in order to deepen our relationship with Him and live fully into His calling on our life. Where do you need to say "no"? Here are a few areas to take into consideration.

Relationships.

Healthy relationships understand your boundaries and your limitations of time and energy. Saying "no" to requests or conversation is an act of protecting your peace. If you have a friend or family member who continually drains you or keeps you from your most important priorities, you can say "no" to their invitations or conversations that do not honor your beliefs.

Commitments.

It is clearly easy to say "yes" to every event, volunteer opportunities, or community of activity within your church. Over committing in this area is dangerous and can lead to burnout in your spiritual journey. You can ask yourself, does this commitment fit into God's purposed plan for me right now? Will this commitment help me grow spiritually? If you hesitate, let it go!

Digital Living.

Social Media, streaming, things on computers, and our phones are competing for your attention. Setting boundaries around internet and social media time, will protect your mental health and allow you to focus on your spiritual practice. You could think about saying "no" to certain apps or at certain times, or simply set boundaries.

Practical tips for establishing healthy boundaries -

Find your limits.

When are you exhausted mentally, physically, spiritually? Spend some time thinking through when you feel like you have gotten too far off course, even if those are not direct boundary issues. You might want to keep a little notebook with you and begin to journal each time you feel stressed, overwhelmed, unclear, or disengaged from God. Your limits are limits just for you, which means you are going to have to figure it out if you hope to set boundaries!

Pray to God for His Will.

Look to God to help inform you of the relationships and commitments that you can consider will best plan your life. God tells us to ask for wisdom - James 1:5, so stop and pray. You won't go wrong if you pray while you are establishing boundaries!

Communicate with grace and kindness.

Instead of saying "no" to the individual inviting you to the church gathering say, "Thanks, but I really want to focus on my spiritual growth and needed to say no to everything for now." Unless people are just rude, if boundaries are communicated gently, even that may change.

Postpone Your Response

Instead of quickly saying yes or no, you can postpone replying and say something along the lines of: “Let me think about it and get back to you.” Postponing a response gives you time to think. There is no need to agree or decline in a moment's notice.

Create Digital Boundaries

Attempt to ask yourself hard questions, such as, “What is the purpose (spiritual, emotional, or relational) of social media? Online shopping? Checking or returning emails?” Set a definitive amount of time for checking your email or engaging on social media. Or use different apps that help you manage how much of your screen time is spent using digital resources. Periodically unplugging makes space for prayer, worship, and rest.

Talk About Your Boundaries

Let your friends, mentors, and pastors know what your boundaries are. Their encouragement will help you maintain your boundaries and hold you accountable. The Freedom of Saying "No"

It may be uncomfortable to say no if this is your first time, especially if you typically say yes to please everyone. However, most people who practice this discipline of not saying yes report a deeper sense of peace, joy, and clarity of God’s purpose for them.

A young Christian writer described this experience regarding saying no, “When I started setting boundaries, I was able to worship more deeply and serve more genuinely. "Saying no allowed me to say yes to God's best for me."

Psychologists also concur that boundaries promote mental health, lower stress, and improve satisfaction with your overall life, which also leads to thriving in your spiritual life.

FEAR OF SAYING "NO"

Fear of Disappointing

You are accountable to God and not other people. While saying no in order to protect your calling, you honor those you care about by being the best version of yourself.

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

Trust God's timing and that He is not calling you to do everything at once. When you say no, you create space for the things that are most important.

Fear of Judgement

It is not uncommon for healthy boundaries to go against the grain of culture but they provide spiritual integrity. Be with people who will honor your faith journey.

In Conclusion: The Power in Saying "No" to Say Yes to God's Best

Setting healthy boundaries matters, as we learn how to say "no" in order to protect your peace and pursue holy living. You can act on your G0-given purposeful intention, following the example of Jesus, protecting the priority of God's calling on your life, and than experience freedom of focus on what really matters.

Try thinking small first... determine one area in your life that if you began saying "no" would be a sign you are growing closer to God. Ask God for courage, share your boundary lovingly, and see how it impacts your spiritual experience.

If you reflected on your boundaries and think it would be helpful to start creating them, share below! As we encourage each other in this meaningful part of our spiritual journey, what boundaries have you created that allowed you to maintain your peace? What obstacles do you anticipate as you maintain your boundaries?

If you find encouragement or inspiration for your own growth in holy living, be sure to check out other posts that either provide a similar theme or subjects that lead to holy living.

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